I’ve often described my relationship with Dellan as having “the same core with different fluff.”
In the areas where it counts, our ‘core’, we are on the same page. D and I fervently love Jesus, want to serve Him faithfully, desire to raise up a family in Him, and even have similar goals regarding a lot of the specifics.
The ‘fluff’ is where we differ, and I’m sure many married folks can relate.
Dellan values integrity and efficiency, and he is perfectionistic, self-controlled, patient, and action-oriented (a true Enneagram 1). Rather than acting, I would prefer to spend the day thinking and feeling. I value empathy, self-awareness, authenticity, and intentionality (an Enneagram 4).
Plus, that whole patience thing? Not really my strong suit.
While we were dating, it was clear that Dellan was different from me. He places a lot of value on saving money, for example. He spends a lot of time preparing for the future, and he’s totally fine with waiting for our dreams to come to fruition many years down the road.
Once we were engaged, I thought these traits would be great for us! I figured he would rub off on me a little and help keep our finances in order. I admired his patience and willingness to delay gratification in favor of future plans.
That is, until these traits started affecting me more directly.
I thought that I’d watch him from afar and be inspired, but our lives are far too intertwined for that to be possible.
We can’t both save and spend money when he and I are stewards of the same account.
And one of us can’t jump into the next phase of life while the other stays behind and waits.
In marriage, we’re in this together. It’s incredible…and it can be so frustrating.
I’ve often thought that it would be much easier if we were wired exactly the same way. Then, we wouldn’t need to have lengthy discussions before making a decision. We would always understand each other! Plus, things would always turn out how I would like them to! (Ouch.)
In this always-on-the-same-page scenario, I assume he’ll conform to how I see the world. And, friends, that’s exactly why it’s only a scenario and not the real story.
We were given a mission as a couple. Together, Dellan and I are to love Jesus and make Him known, but we are gifted very differently for a purpose. The things that God has planned for us could not be accomplished with two hearts like mine or two minds like his.
And once we start viewing our differences as gifts instead of burdens, we are all the more ready to work as a team.
In the real story, Dellan gives structure to my dreams. I give color to his black-and-white. We don’t always agree, but that just means we spend more time snuggled up on the couch talking, right?
We weren’t created to be the same, and it’s a beautiful thing.
Tell me in the comments: What’s one difference God has gifted your other half that you appreciate?